In other news...

A man rushed into the doctor's surgery, jumped on the doctor's back, and started screaming "One! Two! Three! Four!"
"Wait a minute! yelled the doctor, struggling to free himself. "What do you think you're doing?"
"Well, doctor," said the eccentric man, "they did say I could count on you!"

A jeweler standing behind the counter of his shop was astounded to see a man come hurtling head-first through the window.
"What on earth are you up to?" he demanded.
"I'm terribly sorry," said the man, "I forgot to let go of the brick!"

First flea: You don't look to well.
Second flea: I'm not really feeling up to scratch.

The other day the neighbor's dog saw a sign that said: "Wet paint" - so he did!

What do you get if you cross a galaxy with a toad? Star Warts.

Which bird is always out of breath? A Puffin.

What is a twip? What a wabbit calls a twain ride!

How do you catch a squirrel? Climb up a tree and act like a nut.

Which vegetable goes best with jacket potatoes? Button mushrooms.

Why did the orange stop rolling down the hill? It ran out of juice.